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Hi, first time posting here so sorry if this isn't the right place for this post.. I was going to post in the rainbow bridge forum but all the threads are locked and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to, or if that's the right place for this anyway..

On november 4th last year my very first cockatiel passed away, I only had him for just under 7 weeks but he was my baby, he was a baby when he passed away, maybe 16 weeks old, and I've been an absolute broken mess since. He was bonded to me from the very first hour I took him out of his cage for the first time, he slept on me for two hours with my hand over him and after that he slept on me all day long every day, and never wanted to leave my side. He'd fly towards me when I'd come into the room, wouldn't settle with me putting him down on his own so I could go do something, he'd INSIST on coming with me.. man if I had a penny for every time he flew into my face!

The mistake I made was not giving myself time to mourn him and move on. I wasn't in the best state and was hurting and immediately purchased another cockatiel that was delivered two weeks later. He's about 5-7 months old I think.

My problem is I feel like I can't love him. He's absolutely beautiful, a pearl with bright orange cheeks and for the most part he's well behaved. He's hardly anywhere near tame, won't let my hands near him aside from when I hand feed him every night, the usual stuff, but even so I feel like this isn't fair on him. I almost resent him for not being my old baby and there's times I find myself wishing he was my old baby, or telling myself I'd happily trade him if I could have my old baby back.

It's cruel to think such things about him, but it was also cruel to myself to have gotten him so early on. I don't know if I can give him what he needs and deserves while I'm still a crying mess over my loss.. I don't even know if I even like him because of these things I think, it's hard to tell with my emotions all over the place. I was thinking I should rehome him, let someone give him a better life than I can but I know if I do that I'll regret it forever, losing one of them was hard enough. Plus there's hardly anyone around where I live that owns birds, I live in the middle of nowhere.

I don't know what to do! I want to get him more tame so I can feel closer to him but I can't do that if he won't let me or my hands near him. Does anyone have any suggestions? Is there anyone who can relate to this sad situation at all?? :(

Thank you for reading, and for any replies... I'm sorry if I reply late to anyone, I tend to get preoccupied a lot these days. (and yes, I know it takes time to tame a bird!! I know this very very well. I'm just missing the bond I used to have...)
 

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I understand. I've been there before. When my beloved lovebird died I sobbed into his soft belly feathers all night. I wanted another lovebird like him so badly, almost immediately. I had other birds at the time though, so instead I turned to them for comfort. But, I get it.

I know your baby was so special to you. Like I said, I have had this bond. It is absolutely enchanting. But I do think since you already have your next bird with you now, perhaps you should take some time and get to know him really well. Every bird is an individual, and they all have good and bad qualities. I think because of your last bird, your expectations are too high for your current tiel. Just give him a chance, and at the end of the day, each night, bring the thought of rehoming from the back of your mind upfront. If you still feel strongly about it, maybe that's what you need to do
 

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I bought a second cockatiel home and at first I thought that he was not as tame and cuddly as my first cockatiel Danno, so I was a bit disappointed. But I spent more time with him and understood how was he.

I can understand you're sad but I recommend you to know him better and give him time. And if you don't get along and you still miss a cuddly feathered buddy, you could have a second one.

Take your time and relax!
 

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I can relate to your sadness. I had that bond with a rat once, I still miss her so much. I don't have any magical solutions I'm afraid, my advice is just time and patience. And if you are not capable of loving your new tiel straight away, don't worry. You don't have to. Take your time. Maybe the tiel wil start loving you instead of the other way round.
 

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Each bird, just like each human, has their own personality, and things they do and don't want. Give yourself time to learn to love the new kid for who he is, while allowing yourself to grieve for the loss of your baby. No bird can ever replace another, due to the fact they are all different in personality and temperament, any more than one human could replace another in your heart. Allow yourself to let the new one into your heart, but always hang on to the good memories for the last one.

It is all a process, and for every step forward, there may initially be some backward steps. Baby steps are the way to go. Don't be too hard on yourself for the feelings you are having. They are natural, but time is needed to get to where you need to be.
 

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I am so sorry you lost your little baby. I understand what you are going through, because I have been there. Give yourself some time and just start working with your new baby, slowly and patiently. Sit near his cage, talk to him. Lay your hand near him, let him come to you and explore your hand, feed him millet when he does. Just give him and you some time to adjust. Slowly your grief will lessen, although you will always miss your baby. Its OK to. But every day as you work to tame your new bird, a bond will start forming. Don't give up yet. Revisit rehoming him 3 months from now, and if you still feel you want to that is OK too. My bet says you won't.
 

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Babies are the easiest to tame, but some just aren't people birds. In my experience though, given enough time he will be tame. Stick to a routine with him, cover his cage at the same time every night and uncover it at the same time every morning. Hang out around his cage without worrying about trying to handle him. Just be around him.

When I brought Lint home just 1 week after my first cockatiel passed away very unexpectedly, I was in a similar boat. We have other birds, and I did still have Ira, but Ira was missing Cade, and Lint desperately needed a home. He was completely unmanageable when I got him, and I wasn't sure I would be able to handle him like I can our other birds because he was 10-12 years old already. That first day, trying to get him from his carrier into his cage was an absolute nightmare and I spent a good 45 minutes trying to get him from one to the other.

He spent the first 30 days in quarantine and I would eat lunch or dinner in the bedroom he was in, play my computer games, watch TV or play some music, etc. Eventually he grew comfortable with me and curious as to what I was eating, so I would give him his own carrot or celery or broccoli, etc. Eventually I was able to pet him. I've found that once a bird realizes it can receive scratches from a person, it likes that person much better! I could never scratch him with my fingers though, I had to close my hand into a fist and use just the bottom of that fist until he figured out my hand wasn't going to hurt him and wasn't scary.

Even now, two years later, he has his moments where he reverts and is afraid of my hand for no particular reason, but I can handle him pretty easily now and he will sit with me and run towards me for attention.

As hard as it is, try not to compare him to your old bird. Don't think about what he's not, think about what he is. I don't have any birds now that are completely comfortable with me and cuddle the way Cade always did, but it makes the times they actually DO want attention that much more special.

Sorry for the novel, but don't give up on him just yet! In time you'll find you've come to appreciate him for how he is and will find something about him that is just as endearing as your last bird :)
 
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