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It's been 3 months since she died. She was a girl who loved me so much and trusted me the most. Problem is we slept many nights and made sure nothing could happen.

Please don't be harsh on me cause I've been acting like this to myself. I tried talking to someone about this guilt all i had were people who told me to kill myself. I wanted to,I died when she died that day. I even hurt myself hoping I could feel the same pain as she did so she might forgive me. During that cold winter I went to bed with her because she wanted to and I loved her,making sure i wouldn't roll over her we went to sleep.

I wake up in the dark. I feel good,had the best sleep.First thing when I open my eyes is to call out her name. No answer.. I say it again.. and again on a louder tone. Where could she be? Maybe on top of the wardrobe..not there. I check the cage.OH NO SHE'S NOT IN THE CAGE! With tension in my body i turn on the lights. I look down and the second I see her body on the ground I scream inside,with tears coming down my cheeks louder and louder and louder. I rush to my mom who was a few rooms away. I couldn't even see where I was going,almost fell. I told her lexi...she's...she's...she's//no no no. i cry on her shoulder no no no no no why no no no that's all i could say. i hoped she wasn't dead. she went there and saw her lying on the ground with blood out of her mouth. Her eyes are almost open,making my guilt and regret rush through the depths of my soul. I fall down on the ground and can't even lift myself back up. I cry unimaginably.One second it stops and the other seconds it gets worse,so many tears going down my cheeks. My mom tries to make up excuses for why she died and I kept saying her to shut up. it's my fault,it's my fault. why did i do this why? why... the blanket had blood on it and i found clues it was my fault. she she shes not there anymore. i try to pick my only cockatiel but i can't,it goes beyond pain what i feel in my hands.i go out of the room and tell my mom to take her out of there cause i can't. a few hours later im still depressed and feeling suicidal so i tell her to bury her so that no dog or anything will ever disturb the body who kept the most noble soul i've ever loved..and..;(((

how could..how could this happen. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN WITHOUT MY DIRECT WILL,TO KILL IN MY SLEEP

DON'T EVER SLEEP WITH YOUR PARROT. MANY TIELS DIED BECAUSE OF THAT,JUST SEARCH ON GOOGLE AND YOU WILL SEE OTHER DEAD TIELS DUE TO SLEEPING WITH OWNERS IN BED.
 

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**Hugs** I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't know what to say beyond that. My sincere condolences.
 

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Im sorry for your loss. Maybe some counseling can help you get over this guilt you feel. And its great if you can share your story with others and warn against the danger of sleeping with your bird. Maybe you could think about how many other tiels you may have saved by sharing your story with others.
Please dont do anything too harsh or unhealthy. Hurting yourself will only cause more pain for others, and the ones who love you. Try to find a healthy and productive outlet for your pain and frustration.
My thoughts are with you and your family!
 

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Accidents happen...you could have gone years doing this with no ill effects and then it could've happened. It was her time to go and she knew you loved her very much. Now you know better and you can educate others on the dangers of this. Please don't be too hard on yourself, everyone makes mistakes, its part of being human.
 

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sayde,

I am sorry to hear what a difficult time you are having over the loss of Lexi. I fully understand the guilt, because I always wonder if it's my fault when I lose a pet. I know there are things I should have done and didn't, or could have done better. As Roxy says, accidents happen. What happened to you could happen to any one of us. Your warnings might prevent the same from happening to another tiel or other pet, so that will be something good you do in Lexi's memory. I would agree that counseling might be helpful. The fact that you feel as you do, tells me you have a tender and caring heart. That is a good quality and not bad.

Alan
 

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Oh no! I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's a terrible accident and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure Lexi doesn't blame you for anything and she still loves you all the same.

:flowers:
 

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I'm very sorry for your loss. Try not to blame yourself. Accidents happen. Counseling is a good suggestion and people on here understand how much your tiel meant to you and how difficult your loss is. RIP Lexi.
 

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I'm sorry for your loss. :( Many of us have been guilty of similar things, but some of us are lucky nothing happened, that is all. I also have let Sunny crawl into bed with me a few times before because, like you, I didn't have the heart to make her go back into the cage. But I realized quickly that it was not worth the risk so I no longer let it happen for Sunny's own good. I was lucky nothing happened to Sunny but something could have happened. We love our tiels so much and want the best for them, but we make mistakes too, right? Please don't be angry at yourself anymore. Everyone here shares your pain and no one is blaming you. Please get away from those who are telling you to kill yourself. You don't need to take this from them. Give yourself some time to grieve Lexi and when you have come out of your grief, maybe you can bring yourself to find a new tiel to love. We will wait for that day to come. Please take care. :flowers:
 
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